pasty tourist

wow, another year down and i am already a senior, trippy. i dont know if im ready to leave just yet, just the other day i was reading judy moody books and watching cartoon network into the wee hours of the day, i am no adult! but anyways, this is the first time in over a week i have had internet connection or any form of technology. *le gasp* i just returned from a family vacation,...i survived. it was fun we went hiking and junk, but i spent most of the time lounging by the pool fruitlessly working on my non existent tan, i also regrettably took 'vacation' to mean 'free-for-all-pig-out-week' so now not only am i pasty, i am fat. no offense to fat people, do your thing. but i ate the entire week and on the long drive back home i stopped to weigh myself at one of those truck stop bathroom scales to see the damage, and was shocked when it told me i had gained 9 pounds.... so i kicked it hard enough to cut my pale, big toe and screamed: " FUCK YOU TRUCK STOP SCALE! YOU TAKE MY QUARTERS AND TELL ME LIES!" like any perfectly sane person would do in that situation. i am banned from ever returning to that truck stop again, its pretty cool they have my picture up on the wall and everything.



/Monica

AWWW YEAHHH

Schools out! Went by fast!

SERIOUS MOMENT: Anyways, enjoy your last summer "vacation" in high school, class of 2012.  Get shit done.  We're almost truly adults.  This is the time to really focus on your future. If you have ever read "The Turtle" (it's in the book Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck), that's how you should be - like the damn turtle.  Go at your own pace to reach your destination, regardless of the obstacles and mistakes you make.  Be strong. Not everything's gonna go perfectly.  You're gonna fuck yourself and others over.  Don't be prideful.  Apologize.  Be ethical.  Be strong. We're about to start a new chapter in our life.  And you can't read ahead. So finish this one off with a steady mind.

Plus, think of all the shit you get to leave as long as you graduate!

Overly dramatic breakups!

 

Getting caught sluffing!

 Being dragged into bitch drama!

Being asked to prom by a complete douche!

And the food!!!

So, the moral of the story? Graduate and make progress.

Love, Chlobo

The Amazing Stupidity of This Child.

You know what guys shouldn't do? Act all ballsy when they have no authority.  Like, calm the fuck down.

Like, this kid messages me on Facebook.  Blows me off then comes back like, hey! Let's hang out! Are you single?? Okay we're hanging out! And I'm like, fuck bro I didn't even react yet calm your balls.

Some people.  Another thing that pains me: people at school are just IN LOVE right now. Or whatever.  And I don't like anyone or give a shit, except I see people making out and stuff.  And I'm like, DAMMIT.  Why am I single.  And I point people out like, "WHY DID YOU GET A BOYFRIEND BEFORE ME?"  It just disappoints me.  I'm a little bummed and very ready for the end of school.  My brain is not creative or working, I'm so done. Done forever.  Fuck love, school, and cars.

Love, Chloe

learn from my fail

let me impart a little bit of knowledge to all,...three of you. if you are watching an extremly awkward animal planet special with all of your closest friends and family on the mating habits of south African mammals and you happen to accidentally spill a bottle of water in your lap do no, i repeat DO NOT ever say: "oh wow, im so wet." ..............

worst moment of my life. now im going to go crawl under my bed and stay there until either i die or every last witness to that shit storm suddenly develops short term memory loss. so if i never post again just know that it is highly likely that i am the first ever documented account of death by mortification.

                                                /Monica

Gays and the Adventures of Refusing Compliments

First, let me say kudos to my gay friends that actually respect straight people and look at both sides of the situation.  I have legit respect for you, unlike the assholes with No H8 Foundation, which I think is a group of classless, untactful rioters. I appreciate the ones who don't get offended when I call someone a "fag" because they know I didn't mean it as an insult against them.  It's gays like you that make me WANT to vote some gay rights in when I have the chance to vote (of course).  I have respect for you people that don't push it, thank you for not saying I'm a fucking homophobe and shit.  So thanks.

NOW.  The complicated art of refusing compliments.  Do I do this? Yes.  And there is a fine line between genuinely refusing a compliment, and just saying things to get attention 'cause you're an asshole.  There is also a fine line between true admittance and fishing for compliments.
When a I tell a girl she looks pretty and she looks at me like:

Then it's cool.  Like, okay, I get you didn't want the compliment.  However, when you tell a bitch she looks good and she says, "I'm fat ugly and have a pimple", my reaction is:

So, I need not say more.  I'm pretty sure you know how I feel about attention leeches.

           Off to bed,

Chloe <3

Im a B.A.M.F!

Well my lazy ass is home "sick" today and although there is a shit load of productive things I could be doing, I think Im just gonna continue to sit around eating corndogs while spending hours on websites such as catsthatlooklikehitler.com........ Well in more AWESOME news, yesterday I was out on a little late night run, (I like to live on the edge.) just listenin' to a little journey getting my workout on; when all of a sudden, seemingly out of nowhere I turned a corner and was startled by what at the time I thought was a rapist but just turned out to be a cat, but my frightened mind didn't quite commpute that fact until after I had Chuck Norris round-house kicked the poor thing 5 feet. At first I felt really bad, but then I thought: "I have the finely honed instincts of a kung-fo master!" Hell yeah! All those hours spent watching 'Buffy the vampire slayer' and 'Nikita' have made me one bad-A, Mo-Fo. I kinda felt like......

watch your back creepers!

.........relax PETA, i gave the cat some bacon...

                                                                    /Monica



The Chronicles of Pissy Bleached Hair

So, I'm a little annoyed on "beauty" habits. May I rant?

So, I have nothing against bleaching hair.  But lately, or at least in my CLC class, it's become a fad.  I mean, girls with this gorgeous level 4 dark hair bleach the absolute shit out of it.  Like, okay, blonde's cool in a weave or something but why are you doing this to your entire head?! Did you wake up and say, "Shit.  I would love to have some albino pube like material on my head!" Because, ladies, no matter how light the hair is - IF YOU FRIED IT, YOU DO NOT LOOK ATTRACTIVE. Also, it does not help when you leave that bleached hair in its pissy orange colored state.  Like, shit girl.  Use some toner on that stuff.  This is the Cosmetology class, you have like unlimited access. And then when you bleach your eyebrows...

Bitches these days.

<3 Chlobeast