pasty tourist

wow, another year down and i am already a senior, trippy. i dont know if im ready to leave just yet, just the other day i was reading judy moody books and watching cartoon network into the wee hours of the day, i am no adult! but anyways, this is the first time in over a week i have had internet connection or any form of technology. *le gasp* i just returned from a family vacation,...i survived. it was fun we went hiking and junk, but i spent most of the time lounging by the pool fruitlessly working on my non existent tan, i also regrettably took 'vacation' to mean 'free-for-all-pig-out-week' so now not only am i pasty, i am fat. no offense to fat people, do your thing. but i ate the entire week and on the long drive back home i stopped to weigh myself at one of those truck stop bathroom scales to see the damage, and was shocked when it told me i had gained 9 pounds.... so i kicked it hard enough to cut my pale, big toe and screamed: " FUCK YOU TRUCK STOP SCALE! YOU TAKE MY QUARTERS AND TELL ME LIES!" like any perfectly sane person would do in that situation. i am banned from ever returning to that truck stop again, its pretty cool they have my picture up on the wall and everything.



/Monica

AWWW YEAHHH

Schools out! Went by fast!

SERIOUS MOMENT: Anyways, enjoy your last summer "vacation" in high school, class of 2012.  Get shit done.  We're almost truly adults.  This is the time to really focus on your future. If you have ever read "The Turtle" (it's in the book Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck), that's how you should be - like the damn turtle.  Go at your own pace to reach your destination, regardless of the obstacles and mistakes you make.  Be strong. Not everything's gonna go perfectly.  You're gonna fuck yourself and others over.  Don't be prideful.  Apologize.  Be ethical.  Be strong. We're about to start a new chapter in our life.  And you can't read ahead. So finish this one off with a steady mind.

Plus, think of all the shit you get to leave as long as you graduate!

Overly dramatic breakups!

 

Getting caught sluffing!

 Being dragged into bitch drama!

Being asked to prom by a complete douche!

And the food!!!

So, the moral of the story? Graduate and make progress.

Love, Chlobo

The Amazing Stupidity of This Child.

You know what guys shouldn't do? Act all ballsy when they have no authority.  Like, calm the fuck down.

Like, this kid messages me on Facebook.  Blows me off then comes back like, hey! Let's hang out! Are you single?? Okay we're hanging out! And I'm like, fuck bro I didn't even react yet calm your balls.

Some people.  Another thing that pains me: people at school are just IN LOVE right now. Or whatever.  And I don't like anyone or give a shit, except I see people making out and stuff.  And I'm like, DAMMIT.  Why am I single.  And I point people out like, "WHY DID YOU GET A BOYFRIEND BEFORE ME?"  It just disappoints me.  I'm a little bummed and very ready for the end of school.  My brain is not creative or working, I'm so done. Done forever.  Fuck love, school, and cars.

Love, Chloe

learn from my fail

let me impart a little bit of knowledge to all,...three of you. if you are watching an extremly awkward animal planet special with all of your closest friends and family on the mating habits of south African mammals and you happen to accidentally spill a bottle of water in your lap do no, i repeat DO NOT ever say: "oh wow, im so wet." ..............

worst moment of my life. now im going to go crawl under my bed and stay there until either i die or every last witness to that shit storm suddenly develops short term memory loss. so if i never post again just know that it is highly likely that i am the first ever documented account of death by mortification.

                                                /Monica

Gays and the Adventures of Refusing Compliments

First, let me say kudos to my gay friends that actually respect straight people and look at both sides of the situation.  I have legit respect for you, unlike the assholes with No H8 Foundation, which I think is a group of classless, untactful rioters. I appreciate the ones who don't get offended when I call someone a "fag" because they know I didn't mean it as an insult against them.  It's gays like you that make me WANT to vote some gay rights in when I have the chance to vote (of course).  I have respect for you people that don't push it, thank you for not saying I'm a fucking homophobe and shit.  So thanks.

NOW.  The complicated art of refusing compliments.  Do I do this? Yes.  And there is a fine line between genuinely refusing a compliment, and just saying things to get attention 'cause you're an asshole.  There is also a fine line between true admittance and fishing for compliments.
When a I tell a girl she looks pretty and she looks at me like:

Then it's cool.  Like, okay, I get you didn't want the compliment.  However, when you tell a bitch she looks good and she says, "I'm fat ugly and have a pimple", my reaction is:

So, I need not say more.  I'm pretty sure you know how I feel about attention leeches.

           Off to bed,

Chloe <3

Im a B.A.M.F!

Well my lazy ass is home "sick" today and although there is a shit load of productive things I could be doing, I think Im just gonna continue to sit around eating corndogs while spending hours on websites such as catsthatlooklikehitler.com........ Well in more AWESOME news, yesterday I was out on a little late night run, (I like to live on the edge.) just listenin' to a little journey getting my workout on; when all of a sudden, seemingly out of nowhere I turned a corner and was startled by what at the time I thought was a rapist but just turned out to be a cat, but my frightened mind didn't quite commpute that fact until after I had Chuck Norris round-house kicked the poor thing 5 feet. At first I felt really bad, but then I thought: "I have the finely honed instincts of a kung-fo master!" Hell yeah! All those hours spent watching 'Buffy the vampire slayer' and 'Nikita' have made me one bad-A, Mo-Fo. I kinda felt like......

watch your back creepers!

.........relax PETA, i gave the cat some bacon...

                                                                    /Monica



The Chronicles of Pissy Bleached Hair

So, I'm a little annoyed on "beauty" habits. May I rant?

So, I have nothing against bleaching hair.  But lately, or at least in my CLC class, it's become a fad.  I mean, girls with this gorgeous level 4 dark hair bleach the absolute shit out of it.  Like, okay, blonde's cool in a weave or something but why are you doing this to your entire head?! Did you wake up and say, "Shit.  I would love to have some albino pube like material on my head!" Because, ladies, no matter how light the hair is - IF YOU FRIED IT, YOU DO NOT LOOK ATTRACTIVE. Also, it does not help when you leave that bleached hair in its pissy orange colored state.  Like, shit girl.  Use some toner on that stuff.  This is the Cosmetology class, you have like unlimited access. And then when you bleach your eyebrows...

Bitches these days.

<3 Chlobeast

monarchical governments never last...

Only days until the royal wedding and I honestly could care less of a crumpet-shaped crap. Why are we so obssesed? Im American, and that means that I am entitled to be an ignorant, self absorbed, jack ass. So I don't care what a couple of rich British people are doing. You may say: "But its a modern day fairy tale! shes a lowly commoner, hes a prince, blah, blah, so romantic."  Well I disagree its like a sad, pathetic Disney movie after reality has slapped the ever loving shit out of it; shes in it for the status & wealth, and hes awkward and balding. get real people, got out and live your own life rather than watch and obsess over someone else's.
                                                      /Monica

Walt Disney is Hitler.

Or I think so.  I asked my history teacher if Walt Disney was of German descent, he said yes.  And that mustache.... He's hitler.      /chloe



(that explains sooo much.......  /Monica.)

manly advice from a chick

I am in love with Andy Samberg.... He is the manchild of my dreams. When i first saw 'Jizz in my pants.' It was like love at first sight. If I ever meet him, I make no promises that I would not publicly jump his bones. And guys, just a little bit of insight: It doesnt take alot for a man to be sexy, you dont have to be Ryan Renolds to get the girl; I mean you have to brush your teeth and shower often, but there is no need to try so hard. Just treat us with respect, keep your chest hair firmly attached to your body, (sorry, but a silky smooth guy wierds me out.) and stop wearing your little sisters jeans.   P.S Andy, if you ever read this: give me a year, im almost legal!

                                              /Monica

Happy End-of-Spring-Break

Today, I had a pretty great day.  I would love to summarize it quickly, but I actually can't. So sucks to be you.
  So, I saw the nicest male ass I've seen in my life. So round and plump.  And it's strange, he's a basketball player.  But he still had the most perfect ass I had seen in my life.  I almost shed a tear as the apple bottom floated down the hall. It was great.  I just want to hold those cheeks in my hands.

 <3 Chlobeast

A story....

well first day back from spring break and my ass is already in trouble, why? you may ask, well let me tell you a little story:  At the end of the period his creepy ass said "I need to speak with you after school about your current events essay." So with a sigh i tried my best not to showcase my actual feelings about the guy, those being: 'pervy douche.' and agreed to return after school. (A little back ground info on Mr.Creepydouche; he is a man of perpetual gloom and saddness, he always smelles of rotten fish, and has the look of a man who could not possibly ever satisfy a woman......)

                                                               sweet shades bro.

...Flash forward to the of end school. I reluctantly drag my ass back to his ominous lair of doom to full fill my no doubt unfair and undeserved punisment for crimes i had not commited."Ah there you are Monica, i thought you had forgotten."  (Someone get this pervy douche a hairless cat.) "As you know, plagarism and cheating are frowned upon here." Oh no? Really, at school? No shit Sherlock. "Well yes Mr. Creepydouche, i am well aware of the schools zero tolorence for cheating and plagerizme, but i am confused as to why i am here seeing as how i have not violated those rules." (Mental high five!) "Ah yes, well that is not entirely true now is it? Is this your essay right here?" He askes holding up my 5 page single spaced current events essay i had worked so hard on, over spring break no less. "why yes it is sir Pervydouche." "Well  I strongly suggest you revise it before turning it in or i will be forced to lower your grade, for example there are many places in your essay where you inserted sentences that do not belong." he was of course talking about my random bursts of sensless humor I added to keep away the boredom , some of these include but are not limited to: suck my balls. how do magnets work? global warming does not exsist. and my favorite: FRIDAY!FRIDAY! GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY!

       /Monica

Firmly grasp it!

I'm glad Monica is artistically clever, because I'm really not good with that stuff.  I love the layout: it screams, these classy teenage girls enjoy babysitting and watching Disney channel movies while making T-Swizzle music videos with their Barbie webcam; therefore they must blog about new recipes involving Lucky Charms and chocolate syrup.  But then, you are struck with more awesomeness than expected once you quit being judgmental queers and actually read shit on the blog. The background is not only visually pleasing, but also like barrier that when you read something that strikes you as shocking, you can look at those clouds... and bam, a barrier of innocence covers your fragile mind.  And if it comes to that, GTFO because you can't handle real  life.  Bottom line, this layout is amazing.  Thank god Monica is a freaking boss. Expect pretty things! Or not.  Because pretty things are going to happen regardless.
Anyways, I can't believe I just wrote that much on that. I have something to say about brown though. Yes, the color. Brown is my favorite color, okay?  And I know, "Brown's not on the color wheel.  That's like saying you're favorite color is clear." BUT IT'S NOT.  Because my favorite color is brown.  I say Orange is my favorite color, it is I guess.  But I like brown better.  So anyways, screw you all.  I think brown is a flattering color.  Calm yo tits.

<3 Chloeeee

i sound like my mother...

As obvious as it is to others let me just share a quick bit of knowledge with you,...Whoever you may be. Chloe and I are pretty much polar opposites. Translation: while Chlobeast is a sexy bitch, (and slightly scary in a completely refreshing way.) I am more passive agressive, meaning i am the type of person that feels obligated to yell at that really obnoxious lady in Walmart with the cart full of crap in the 20 iteams or less checkout line. (I mean come on! Wheres the justice in that? All i want is to buy a box a tampons, a shovel, and some cadbury eggs and be on my way!) But on the other hand feels it would be too rude to ask for my friend to give me back my favorite dress that i let her borrow, two years ago. So Chloe's post reminded me of the time i was called a tease, it was spring of 2010 and i had been talking with a guy for about a month, now normally in my opinion that is called friendship, but i guess to him that translated to 'I should have been putting out like, yesterday'.  He accused me of being a tease and playing hard to get and promptly blocked me on facebook...Yes while i do admit that being the opposite of chole (a virginal prude.) means that most of the time a guy could be publicly dry humping me and i still wouldnt get the hint that 'Hey! maybe he kinda likes me'. Call me ignorant, but not a tease! Im sorry that all of those romantic, late night texts inquiring for nudey pics didnt make me want to rip my clothes off for you then and there! Our generation is seriously screwed, forgive me for thinking that a relationship is not fully developed until a guy has the cajones to ask me out on an actual date,(and pay the bill for said date.......you know who you are.)  people my age just dont realize that while posting your relationship status on FB and texting each other sappy, seriously inarticulate love notes may give you the right to call them your boyfriend,  its not a relationship, its not love, thats a venereal disease waiting to happen. VIRGINAL PRUDES UNITE!!!
   yours truly: Monica

Now is a great time to post. I'm pretty pissed.

  Okeee.  I'm so SICK of pussy ass whiner guys calling me a tease.  Like, okay.  Just because I have a life and can't drive to your house *right now*, and that I don't want to have sex with you, it doesn't make me a tease. 

Or like, "Oh Chloe's a tease she led me on; she was nice to me and then told me she didn't want to date me."

  GTFO.  Okay, JUST BECAUSE I'M NICE, IT DOESN'T MEAN I WAN TO BE YOUR BUCK FUDDY.

And when you come over and hit on me and I look at you like: IT DOES NOT MAKE ME A TEASE.

  Now you make me look like a bitch because I don't want to be called that.  Like, hold your balls.  Think before you call me that.  Because obviously you don't know what the fuck a tease is.

Anyways I'm done.  Just have to clarify what us teases deal with. Guess I'll go smoke some weed and steal some boyfriends while I'm at it.

Shits and Giggles,

Chlobo

welcome home

First ever post. Wow. Give me a minute to collect myself,...As the voice of reason let me just say that what you. Yes you, hold in your hands right now is the creative, explosively ingenious, brain baby of two young, amazing girls destined to be famous: Chloe and Monica. I am Monica, and as humble as i am, im also pretty damn funny. So in a burst of brilliance we created 2girls1blog, to entertain the masses and project our verbal vomit into cyber space for the world to see and cringe at. While we may not post everyday, our goal is to share the everyday endeavor of two highschool aged girls struggling with our anonymity, (as if there arent enough crappy movies about that.) but we view life at a slightly different angle then the average highschool skank. So sit back and watch the drama and hilarity unfold. yours truly: Monica

FIRST POST FUCK YES.

Huzzah!  This blog has finally been born!  After my butt being grounded, delaying the creation of this blog is no longer happening because it was just made. (That made no sense but it sounded kind of smart.)
Well, I have enjoyed a nice "spring break" sitting on my ass, breaking down cheap youtube makeup tutorials into a science and overposting on Facebook.  Well since I really have nothing to go off about yet, this will be the most boring post you ever read on here.  I just kind of wanted to post something.
And SHS, thanks for sending home a futhermucking failing notice.  One day, I will find a way to burn you down regardless of whether or not you're made of brick.
Also, I'm not the only one who posts here.  Hold your balls, Monica does, too. Fuck yes.  Prepare for double the awesome.  This blog is going to become more powerful than sex pretty soon.

/Chlobeast